


In this World, and the Next

by calicoJill



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Just some soft fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-01 06:10:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14514222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calicoJill/pseuds/calicoJill
Summary: A series of one shots and/or AU's.Chapter 1:The cold bothered Beau more than it did the rest of the Mighty Nein and when she can't sleep one night, a new routine is formed to help her sleep.Chapter 2: Who's to say what we deserve? Beau makes herself vulnerable to Yasha and experiences a bittersweet revelation.





	1. A New Routine

 

The cold bit at Beau's exposed flesh like piercing blades. It was the kind of chill that sank farther and farther into one's body until it struck bone and could move no farther. The kind of cold that couldn't be shaken and continued to fester like a swarm of biting insects.

 

She shifted in her bedroll, the cold seizing her and keeping her from the warm embrace of sleep. She clenched her fists and pulled her clothes tighter to her body in frustration. Caleb had fallen asleep hours ago and the fire he had tended to and kept alight had slowly dwindled after he had succumbed to the late hour. The heat dissipating along with his consciousness. She envied the wizard as his chest slowly rose and fell with the warmth that Nott and Frumpkin, curled at his sides, afforded him. The three seemed to have no problem with the cold as they shared their body heat. Beau frowned.

 

Fjord sat nearby, eyes trained on the surrounding fields, watching for any threats, but the only thing that threatened Beau was the cold that continued to nip at her skin. Her clothes, while ideal for allowing her to move quickly, provided her with little protection from the elements.

 

The two tieflings of the group were sprawled out without a care for the cool air nipping at their skin. In their travels, Beau had noticed that the two's bodies ran unusually warm compared to herself and she guessed that they rarely had cause to complain about the cold. In fact, Jester had her bedroll mangled in a way that offered her very little cover and yet she slept soundly. Something about the way the two slept easily had Beau subconsciously looking about herself for small rocks to throw at them but she stopped short of following through with the action when she heard Yasha shift in her bedroll next to her.

 

Beau glanced at the woman and tensed slightly, seeing two different coloured eyes watching her in the dark. Yasha raised a brow at the small rock in Beau's hand in a questioning manor and Beau grimaced.

 

"Can't sleep?" She asked.

 

"I'm cold." Beau admitted and frowned.

 

Yasha seemed to consider something as she ran her eyes over Beau's shivering body. She furrowed her brow and frowned. Eventually she softened and with an almost inaudible sigh she lifted the corner of her bedroll and waited.

 

Beau would be lying if she claimed she hadn't wanted to crawl into Yasha's bedroll on multiple occasions but she hadn't expected an invitation from the woman. Her brows rose in slight surprise before she tentatively crawled into the bedroll next to Yasha's warm body, careful not to be too brash and cause Yasha to change her mind.

 

Beau settled into the warm covers that Yasha's body had warmed and sighed with relief, feeling the cold slowly begin to seep from her body. The two were silent. Awkwardly they shifted into an arrangement that left them as comfortable as could be given the circumstance. Eventually the shifting stopped and the two laid next to one another and simply stare up into the starry sky waiting for sleep to come for them.

 

"Thanks." The word was quiet on Beau's lips, so as not to wake her friends and Yasha simply nodded.

 

 

Weeks of travel lead to many cold nights for the group and it eventually became a routine between the two. Crawl into their individual bedrolls, wait until Beau was too cold to sleep, crawl into the same bedroll, stare awkwardly at the stars, sleep. Each time they did the dance, the hesitation that Yasha had shown the first night grew less and less. Beau didn't even need to ask anymore. If she nudged Yasha awake at any point during the night, Yasha would shift over and lift the corner of the bedroll, allowing Beau to share in her warmth.

 

The routine continued in a reliable fashion until one evening when they crawled into their individual bedrolls and Yasha waited for Beau to inevitably nudge her shoulder and ask for permission to join her... But the nudge never came. Yasha shifted restlessly before eventually propping herself up on an elbow and glancing to Beau in the bedroll next to hers. The girl was sleeping softly and Yasha frowned despite herself. Suddenly she found that _she_ was the one who couldn't sleep.

 

Yasha knew that the climate had been getting warmer and warmer the farther they travelled and yet somehow she had become accustomed to the small monk's presence next to her, and hadn't expected the routine to change.

 

She let her eyes roam up and down Beau's sleeping body and bit her lip. She itched to reach out and bring Beau back into her bedroll where she was accustomed to her. After what felt like a short eternity, Yasha reached for Beau's shoulder and gently shook her awake.

 

Beau grumbled and eventually pried her eyes open before furrowing them in the darkness in Yasha's direction. "Wha'?" The sleep was still thick in her voice and regret immediately flooded Yasha.

 

"I..." Yasha started and then stopped. She didn't know how to continue. She didn't know how to say the words 'I want you to sleep next to me' and instead she fell silent under Beau's curious gaze. The thought of saying those words scared her far more than any beast she had fought and she faltered.

 

She met Beau's eyes and Beau raised a curious brow. Yasha sighed and bit her lip, kicking herself for having woken Beau up in the first place. It was so much easier when Beau did the asking, when Beau would lead the routine. Now the routine had changed and Yasha wasn't sure how to approach it.

 

She frowned and cringed at herself and tried again. "I...- Will you..." She stopped again and looked lost, avoiding Beau's gaze.

 

Beau softened at the flustered words. She knew where it was going, but she wanted to hear Yasha say it and kept silent, hoping that the barbarian would muster the courage to say it out loud.

 

"... Are you cold?" Yasha asked.

 

Beau let out a soft puff of amusement as Yasha switched tactics. She couldn't say she was surprised. Yasha wasn't very good at asking for things that made her vulnerable, but it was progress.

 

She wasn't cold... the night air had been kind and Beau had fallen asleep quite easily but Yasha was reaching out to her in her own way and so Beau nodded and Yasha raised the corner of her bedroll and Beau climbed in next to her.

 

 


	2. What We Deserve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who's to say what we deserve? Beau makes herself vulnerable to Yasha and experiences a bittersweet revelation.

It's the worst pain she's ever felt. It shoots through her chest and sinks into her stomach and eventually out into her limbs. It's not unlike poison, it makes her head spin and a sickening nausea sets into her gut. She feels dizzy and the sickening ache in her chest makes time slow only as if to draw the pain out longer.

 

"I'm sorry, Beau..." Yasha continues. "It's... It's just that I... I can't..." She struggles to find the right words and winces at the pain she can see flash across Beau's face despite the woman's best attempts to hide it.

 

Beau averts her eyes and looks to her feet and tries to convey an unfussed frown. "No.. No it's cool. It was... it was a stupid thing to.." _To what? Think? Say?... Want?_ Beau doesn't finish her sentence. Her façade breaks again and Yasha can see the pain hiding just below the surface and closes her eyes in an attempt to distance herself from the hurt she caused.

 

"Beau..." Yasha reaches out but before she can touch her, Beau flinches back and out of her reach like a child flinching back from a hot surface.

 

There's a soft sniffle from Beau that she tries to hide by quickly clearing her throat. "You don't... you don't owe me anything. I just... I thought that..." Beau sighs and shakes her head. "I'm sorry I brought it up." Beau finishes and frowns at herself. She sucks her lip for a second, and takes one last look at Yasha, who she can see wants to say something but can't find the words. Beau shakes her head, she can feel her resolve breaking the longer she has to look at Yasha and eventually she shrugs her shoulders in resignation before quietly leaving Yasha alone.

 

Potions work on wounds... when you're bleeding out and you feel as though you're on death's door... but Beau knows that they won't help her this time. She needs something stronger and makes her way down the tavern stairs and pulls up a stool at the bar and motions for Wessik to pour her a drink and to keep them coming. She doesn't notice Fjord watching her as she continues to slam back as many drinks as she can as fast as she can until there's a hand placed over her drink, halting her next swig. She glances up and can see the concern on Fjord's strong features.

 

"...You alright? I know you've got an iron stomach... but I ain't never seen you drink like this before." He sits down on the stool next to her and pushes Beau's drink out of her reach and Beau's face cracks and the pain she was trying to mask makes itself known.

 

Fjord frowns and puts an arm around Beau's shoulders and pulls her in a little closer, unsure of what to say. He'd never seen Beau so... broken before. He's seen her take all form of punishment. Fireballs and arrows to the chest, maces to the shoulder, daggers to the stomach... But every time she took it with a shit-eating grin. Beau, he thought, seamed to enjoy pain to some extent. Beau always looked the most alive when she was sporting a black eye... but this time it's different. She's clearly in pain but her flesh is completely unmarred.

 

"She... rejected me." Beau's voice is quiet and resigned.

 

Fjord doesn't need to be told who "she" is. Beau was transparent with her pull towards Yasha. It didn't take truesight to notice the way Beau's eyes would light up every time Yasha made her way back to them, or the way Beau's mouth would hang open every time Yasha flung her great sword around.

 

Fjord sighs and nods his head in understanding. "I'm sorry, Beau..." He tries to rub comforting circles on Beau's shoulder but he knows that the comfort is negligible.

 

"Yeah" Beau agrees but her voice sounds a million miles away as she stares directly into the counter. "She doesn't wanna be with me." There's a flash of lightning outside and Beau starts to think she'd rather never see another thunderstorm again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"You leavin' again?" Yasha stops in her tracks at the familiar voice and stops short of pushing her way out and into the rain awaiting her outside the small tavern. She turns and Fjord is leaning against a table, a questioning brow on his face.

 

It was late. The storm outside had been calling Yasha for hours but she had decided to wait until everyone had headed to bed before she slipped out into the night.

 

"...I am." Yasha confirms.

 

Fjord shakes his head in disappointment. He takes a moment to consider his words before he sighs. "I... spoke with Beau."

 

Yasha doesn't say anything but looks away, her guilt betraying her.

 

Fjord sighs again. "There's a girl upstairs.... _Heartbroken_. The least you could do is say goodbye to her before you run off again."

"I don't- I really don't think she wants to see me right now."

 

Fjord shakes his head in disappointment again. "You know... in the time I've known her, I've seen her get shot down a dozen times... But I've never seen her like this." Fjord doesn't mean to guilt Yasha, but his words dig into her chest all the same.

 

"What did she tell you?" Yasha asks, hesitant to know the answer.

 

"Not much... just that she made herself vulnerable to you and that you didn't want to be with her."

 

Yasha knits her brows in slight confusion. "I never said that."

 

Fjord looks confused.

 

"I never said I... I didn't want to be with her... I said- I said I _can't._ " Yasha clarifies.

 

Fjord scratches at the back of his head and clears his throat as he thinks back on his conversation. Beau had definitely said the word 'want'. "I think... maybe you ought to talk to her again... _before_ you leave."

 

Yasha glances to the wooden door. It would be so easy to just... disappear without a word like she had always done but the ache of guilt in her chest holds her back. If Beau had misunderstood her than maybe another talk would help ease her pain... and Yasha's guilt over it. She nods to Fjord and makes her way back upstairs.

 

She hesitates a moment before she raps her knuckles across the door hoping that Beau will be the one to answer and after a moment the door cracks open and Jester greets her with a sheepish smile.

 

"Are you here to talk to Beau?" She asks in a whisper that could be arguably  _not_ a whisper.

 

"Um... yeah. Yes... I- could I?" Yasha stammers out and before Jester can even move to the side to let Yasha in, Beau calls back,

 

"I don't wanna talk..." Her voice is muffled by her pillow.

 

Yasha sighs as Jester skirts around her and into the hall to give them some privacy, but both Beau and Yasha know that the moment the door closes, Jester will have one ear up against it.

 

"I'm leaving, Beau..."

 

Beau winces and buries her face farther into her pillow, unwilling to look at Yasha. She was surprised. She hadn't realized her heart could break into even smaller pieces. "Great... why are you telling me?"

 

The small bite in Beau's voice almost goes unnoticed by Yasha. "Because... I think..." She pauses, unsure of herself. "I'm not very good with words. I think... I think there was a misunderstanding. Before." She clarifies.

 

Beau frowns in her pillow, cautiously optimistic as she lifts her head.

 

"Can I sit?" Yasha asks and Beau softly nods, sitting up herself to make room for Yasha next to her. "I... I like you, Beau.... I like you a lot actually."

 

Beau frowns, "Then why don't you want to be with me...?" Her voice is quieter than Yasha is used to and the solemn sound sends an ache through Yasha's chest.

 

"That's just it... I... I do." Yasha admitted quietly. "I do want... to be with you."

 

Beau feels a jolt of possibility in her chest and quickly snuffs it out out of self-preservation.  "But?"  She could already hear the unspoken word on Yasha's lips.

 

"But... I can't."

 

"Why not?"

 

"I... I'm... Looking for something... And until I find it...I can't." Yasha answers without actually answering.

 

The pain in Beau's face seems to fade into something more akin to confusion. "What... what are you looking for?"

 

Yasha sighs inward and avoids Beau's curious gaze as she shuffles her feet against the floorboards. "Redemption." The word is quiet on her lips.

 

There's a silence in the room as Beau takes in Yasha's guilt ridden face. "Redemption... for what?"

 

Yasha thinks a moment, opening and closing her mouth a few times, reconsidering, before she settles on an answer. "You _know_ I'm fallen... Let's just... leave it at that. Until I... Until I find redemption... I'm not worthy of- I don't _deserve_ your love..."

 

Beau frowns. "That's such bullshit, Yasha... You fucking deserve love... and like..." Beau struggles with her words and in doing so arches her back as though the struggle were physical. "My... my love... it's not like it's some... amazing thing anyway."

 

Yasha frowns. "It is though..."

 

There's silence between them and the only sound that permeates the room is the sounds of chatter coming from the tavern below.

 

"What if I... helped?" Beau asks and looks up at Yasha, hopeful, but she doesn't like the look of regret on Yasha's face. Yasha shakes her head tiredly and fixes her gaze on Beau's

 

"This is.... something I need to do on my own... But uh... Beau?" Beau raises a small questioning brow and with a small amount of hesitation, Yasha leans in. Her lips ghost lightly over Beau's in a soft, lingering kiss before she regretfully pulls away again leaving Beau in mild shock. "Perhaps one day."

 


End file.
